More than half of parents with children ages 18 to 25 track their young adults using smartphone apps, according to a recent University of Michigan survey.
With the Class of 2030 about to matriculate at the University of Virginia, is it time for parents to reconsider the practice?
UVA Today spoke to a mother-daughter pair uniquely positioned to speak about their experience. Bethany Teachman is a clinical psychology professor at UVA, frequently quoted in major news outlets and co-director of the University’s initiative. Her daughter, Haven, is preparing for her second year at UVA. Their family has had several conversations about tracking and respect.
Tracking works best when it’s based on trust, not surveillance
Both say it’s important to distinguish safety, convenience and connection from policing.
“I think a lot of it depends on whether it is being used to support safety in a relationship built on trust, or if it is used as a detective or policing tool because there is a lack of trust,” Haven Teachman said. “It is healthy to be curious about your child or parent, to worry about their safety, and to have two-way access to see their location.
“However, it becomes unhealthy when checking becomes excessive, only one person has access to the other’s location, or there is constant questioning about location, whether it comes from worry or doubt.”
Talk about expectations and be willing to compromise
The UVA psychologist says families should explicitly discuss preferences, reasoning and goals, then compromise when those preferences differ. The solution doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing; temporary sharing, check-in texts, being with trusted friends or even a trial period without tracking can accomplish the same goals.
“If the goal is to work toward a trusting relationship and support your child’s growth and increasing independence, then practicing open, clear communication, especially around difficult conversations, is critical,” Bethany Teachman said.
Bethany Teachman, a revered psychologist at UVA, and her daughter, Haven, a rising second-year UVA student, say honest and respectful conversation can help families reach a compromise on tracking. (Photo by Matt Riley, University Communications)
Each person should discuss what they each want, why they want it and what they’re worried about. Bethany Teachman said college independence requires parents to relinquish some control and students to assume more responsibility.
“My first year in college was the first time I really felt like an adult,” Haven Teachman said. “There are so many important skills and a lot of stress that students take on during that time. My parents had my location, but rarely asked questions, and we would check each other out of curiosity, convenience for calling and missing each other.”
She said this transition gave her the space to learn how to plan her own schedule, think through safety precautions on her own, gain friends she knew she trusted to look out for my safety, “and feel empowered that I can take care of myself while I am out here without my parents.”
Safety and autonomy aren’t opposites
Both suggest matching the level of location sharing to the situation. Students can take responsibility for their safety while selectively sharing their location during travel, parties or other higher-risk situations, rather than being continuously monitored.
“I think for families that may not always need location-sharing, a great compromise can be to share location at the times when parents might be particularly worried about safety, such as parties, events or traveling,” Haven Teachman said. “This helps parents to feel less worried, keeps children safer, and does not take away from their day-to-day ability to cultivate their own independence.”
